Saturday, July 02, 2005

hey all

Don't think about the underoos wedgie
I hope you guys had a wonderful Father's Day!!!

I've stayed away entirely too long. Not being the type who wants to come back and write about the depressive state of my life, I just cut myself off completely. Didn't check anyone else's blogs...just dropped off for awhile not sure when I could come back. In a semi-catatonic state to deal with with things like the title of the day. Things I can laugh about now.

Let's travel back to the Memorial Day Weekend when there was a last minute trip to KY to go get my dad. He insisted he drive his own car and as soon as he crossed the VA line he was stopped for not being able to see out the back window. He was arrested because his licencse was suspended here from some accident about 8 years ago so he spent the whole holiday weekend in jail.

He stays with my mom. I am more than happy to go over while she's at work to stay with him, fix his food, etc. Let me say that I am so glad that my dad is here and that he's getting better. We've had our moments but that's family now back to the story. But....he won't follow the rules. He insists on laying his 6'3 ass out on my mom's cream colored leather couch with his dirty cast marking it up so he can watch tv downstairs. She was ok with it for about a day but then told him to carry his ass upstairs...to my old room with a fully functional television & same view of the lake.

Then he started smoking...upstairs. Why he be downstairs and go upstairs to smoke? Why did he try to hide it? WHY? Everybody caught him. There were ashes on the carpet, in his shoes. Mom actually took his cigarettes and told me to give them out when he came downstairs and went outside. So I took his breakfast up and came back down and was taking a nap in her bed. I roll over and....
Picture in your mind a man that looks kinda/sorta like Teddy Pendergrass with gray hair and a cane. Put him in his grandson's blue bikini drawers with one ass cheek hanging out hobbling around with a cane muttering, "Where'd that girl put my damn cigarettes!"

I sit up and yell, "Will you put some clothes on?" So he limps out, one ass cheek swinging in the wind and I'm scarred for life.

Two days later my mom put him out for smoking in the house (my sister and I are allergic to smoke, I have a site called Size Genetics and Penis Pills, and you could see the smoke in the house) and he came to stay with me. In my 1 bedroom apartment. He ate like a madman (a jar of banana peppers WTF), I again saw more than my share of his buttocks and and the same blue drawers usually as he crept past my bed about 6 am to get to the bathroom, my tv stayed on volume 1000 24 hours a day, he and my dog battled constantly, and I couldn't leave him because I was afraid he'd set something on fire. Did I mention I caught him smoking?